More and More People

Here are the 11th and 12th characters I've dreamt up over the recent days.

Shayene Curtis.

Shayene Curtis (real name Brenda McDougle) is Scotland's oldest Rastafarian at age 87. She is a recent convert, having discovered the religion five years ago when she first tried smoking weed; she and her grandson Joe thought it would be the perfect way to stick two fingers up at her son (Joe's Dad) for putting her in the home, plus it's better than any of the rubbish medication she gets anyway. She was very close to being thrown out after they discovered her new found pastime but one of the home's "far out" patrons (a mate of Sting's) butted in at the last minute when he heard that one of his "flock" was being discriminated against because of their religion. May I stress that this was before Brenda knew what Rastafarianism was, of course obviously her grandson swiftly filled her in and suggested the new name before the home's carers figured things out. Keeping to his principles the patron has paid for a banner of King Selassie to hang along side other symbols in the old people's home's room dedicated to faith. Of course seeing as this is rural Scotland the banner looks somewhat incongruous in a room of christian iconography. This is really the tip of the iceberg as a growing number of home members and their families are currently plotting to evict Shayene. They think they may not have to as Shayene has started planting skunk seeds in place of her geraniums.

William Norbert.

William Norbert is the village pervert vicar. He is an upstanding member of the local community, has been part of it for some 50 years and is affectionately known as the "balls from St Paul's". Seeing as it's innocent "old style" peadoing he never does anyone any harm and families are perfectly happy to entertain an old man for an afternoon by putting their children in skimpier tennis outfits than normal when William is around for tea. People knew he was just an innocent pervert after someone found a book of his in the bottom of his golf bag outlining ways in which a peado priest can keep his cool during kinky public affairs such as baptism or when training page boys. The people who publish said book do a similar one for rabbis when tackling circumcisions. He is banned from village cricket matches though as he was frequently accused of sledging. Everyone knows this was merely playful banter and in any case it was far too easy for him as William was wicket keeper and thus couldn't help but succumb to the infinate ball handling innuendoes and views of the batsman's arse. It was an honorable discharge really and he accepts that the village found his arse in cricket whites understandably distracting. He is allowed to umpire and only if he wears his long white priest robes when doing it. This is really nothing to do with him being a perv, more to do with the village finding it funny when he signals a wide or no ball and his cloth flaps everywhere. William has also put the village on the map in various sex guidebooks and every year a small number of sex tourists flock to the villiage to meet and greet the famous "balls". One tourist actually went back home to Amsterdam and opened a pub named after him (using his nickname of course). He does in fact have a son from a marriage a long time ago but his son converted to scientology and moved to germany years ago at the age of 15. He is estranged from his father as they understandably left on bad terms, partly because to escape his son took used his father's hot air balloon, William's pride and joy.