Sheela Le Ser has just quit her job as a super model to peruse her dream of being a chartered accountant. As a late bloomer in the looks department it wasn't until she was 22 and finally got her braces taken off that her exceptional looks became apparent. In the space of six months she had dropped out of Bristol where she was doing her degree in accountancy, lost all her friends, developed a drug problem , gone to rehab where she met the necessary contacts to become a super model, become a super model and then jacked it all in after she had in epiphany about the industry as a whole. This epiphany was subsequently made into a show in the "E" entertainment channel as part of the "Wise Narcotic Season". When she was a super model she declared her deciding to overdose and land up in rehab as the best decision she ever made. She now says that moving to accountancy was the best decision she ever made. She says this about a lot of things. Her family are wary of this phrase now and are watching her every move. What with the rise in fees and the fact that accountency is not the most popular of university subjects, Bristol has benefited greatly by the tidal wave of publicity that Sheela has generated. This means that despite having not finished, sheela has been awarded an honorary degree in chartered accountancy. Her colleagues know this and are not amused by Sheela's gags that she can just "do an Enron" and make up for any mistakes by being nice and adding a few zeros to the balance.
Unlucky Allen
Unlucky Allen has lost the majority of his friends because of his freakish tendancy to accidently bring dog poo into other people's houses. What started out as a small embarrassment a few years ago has now become a serious health hazard. Naturally this has now grown to be the subject of scientific investigation. One theory is that subconsciously Allen is in a mode of extended grieving since his Jack Russell died four years ago. His dog was killed by a drunk park keeper mowing the lawn and the theory goes that both to avenge his dog's death and somehow resurrect him, Allen should walk on as much grass and collect as poo as is possible. The other contesting theory is from a branch of Freudianism that believes men's sexual desires are influenced by whether their mothers wiped their bottoms properly. Allen's sister and best mate Steve are his only two remaining friends. His sister has total sympathy for him as she knows full well what a rubbish job their mother did when it came to wiping bottoms. Her friends are starting to think she's a little weird too. Steve is only half convinced of Allen's condition but is loyal nevertheless, plus Allen has caused so much grief in his house that it needs to be re carpeted and de-odorised so Steve has no choice but to stay at Allen's. To make life easier Steve is ensuring that Allen plays as little football as possible in parks that aren't maintained by the corporation of London. Allen is considering moving to the country as there he'll only have to watch out for cowpats and he'd have to be a right dickhead to miss a cowpat.
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