Jodie Sylbert has a rare mental dissorder where she believes every day is christmas. Although doctors say that such a disorder is usually innate it was kick started when she was twenty five on New year's day 2007 when she took too much acid and then saw a repeat of the queen's speech on her sky plus box. Thinking it's always christmas isn't too bad as her sizable disability benefit happily covers the cost of a daily "Wal Mart insta Christmas ready feast" (imported). Sadly she is alarmingly obese because she keeps telling herself that she'll "work it off in the New Year". Jodie's now ex boyfriend feels it's his duty to carry out doctor's orders and to provide her with new socks. This is a vast improvement on recent years when Jodie used to watch the O.C and thought it would be fun and slightly ironic to celebrate Christmas and Hanukah on the same day and thus requested variations on all things Luis Vitton. Her loved ones have finally gotten round to looping a montage of extracts of depressing christmas T.V such as Eastenders and Grumpy Old men to keep her desires at bay. When actual christmas comes around she thinks that it's "all a bit much" as her family do like garish trees and a glow in the dark rasta santa in the sitting room and so she then has a small rant about capitalism and the true meaning of christmas. Other than state benefits a small amount of her income is generated through donations to a christian offshoot cult in her name. Started by ex pastor turned poker player from Florida, within a few years of her developing her disorder after a "touching" channel five documentary "Jodie's Witnesses" has over 100,000 members all united in the belief that every day Jodie is witnessing the birth of christ.
Franklin F.Fig
Franklin F. Fig is going to be appearing on Dragon's Den next week pitching his "Cool Camp" idea; a month long program teaching the techniques and theories behind being cool and not encouraging gay men to be more confident which is what a local youth club of the same name does classes on, every week. Franklin has twenty or so commonly used catchphrases or "power pellets" that can be used in various social situations however one of the first principles of cool camp is that the "cat (i.e the pupil) does his own pellets". Franklin started doing cool camp after he was required to end his P.E teaching career after he put nitrous oxide in the quadbikes on a school "adventure" trip to Cornwall. That was only the catalyst really as he wasn't really right for the job: in the blink of an eye his moderate A.D.H.D would cause him to incorporate unsuspecting members of the public, animals e.t.c into P.E lessons. His guardian angel has been his responsible older brother who runs a delicatessen in Marylebone high street and aside from the incessant quips about salami and penises (his brothers is Gay) their relationship is peaceful; he is in fact the only man that Franklin can be in the same room as for more than half an hour, hence why Franklin has only been to the cinema once... Franklin is barred from all brances of VUE. Franklin's girlfriend is a dancer at a local polish nightclub. Their relationship is eventful to say the least. What keeps them together his their shared love of looking at/for other people's driving licences/passports. Other than being in a constant state of "cool cultivation", Franklin is training himself not to need to poo. He is paranoid that somebody will catch him when he's at his most vulnerable plus the third principle of cool camp is "never be caught with your trousers down". Now he is a workaholic and pays three people to manage his blogs and to make things easier he has had made a leather belt- affixing holster for his ipad, similar to the ones they make for mobile phones. He's so pleased with it in fact that he is offering one free to every new member of cool camp in 2012. Is dream is to one day open a cool camp theme park where there'll be a ride called "Johnny Depp's Cool Jump Log Flume".
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